A beautiful web with its owner in a shot I took last year.
My childhood years were spent scoping out rooms prior to entering, especially the bathroom, where my enemies often lurked.
I knew instantly when I went into the room, I could feel the eyes watching me. And then I would scream. We should be thankful our neighbours never called the police, fearing the worst was happening to us.
Spiders were my worst nightmare. I was terrified of them. I was always calling for my mother or brother to save me from them. Exactly what the creepy-crawlies would do to me never crossed my mind. All I could feel was the sense of panic.
Although my family took care of the little creatures, I never felt that they understood how traumatic it was for me. The topic was often brought up in jest by friends and family, a good chuckle shared by everyone but me.
My husband learned the hard way, one day coming rushing to the bathroom after hearing my yells of terror. He found a teeny tiny jumpy spider on the wall.
I often worried what I would do if I saw a spider and no one was there to rescue me. One apartment we lived in had an outside front entrance way that was home to many webs, spiders included. I walked all the way around the building to the back door to avoid crossing their path, always fearful I would find the creatures blocking the only other way in.
I lived this way until I reached my thirties. Then something changed and I don’t even know why. We welcomed our first dachshund into the family. I had always loved animals but I felt a new sense of respect and interest in the creatures around me. I can’t explain it, but my fear of spiders left me.
A co-worker at a vet clinic brought her pet tarantula to work one day. I was fascinated and asked her many questions, from a safe distance. She asked me if I would like to hold the spider. Without much hesitation I said that I would. It was a beautiful and delicate creature. I found myself worrying that I would somehow hurt the spider, rather than the spider hurt me.
I wish we had taken photos. My family and friends were in shock to hear I had done this.
Yesterday there was a rather large spider in the shower stall. I found myself a little anxious about allowing it to stay in there with me, so I took a toilet paper roll, let it crawl on it, and placed it near the waste basket until I showered and could deal with it.
When I was done, I noticed the spider sitting on the full roll of toilet paper. I mentioned this to my husband as a word of warning and he seemed unimpressed. Why did I leave it there? I replied I wasn’t sure what else to do with it. He still seemed unimpressed.
It is strange how such an overwhelming fear changed so suddenly after so many years. Now if only my mouse in the house phobia would do the same.
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